


It's All Part Of A Cosmic Unconsciousness

by Kafoomph



Category: TWRP | Tupper Ware Remix Party (Band)
Genre: Don't write while sleepy kids!, Gen, Listened to a ton of Lisa Lougheed while writing this, No Romance, Or maybe he would?, Professor Brian Wecht - holder of the PHD - would not be proud of me, Swearing, mostly sleep deprived writing, ninja brian is mentioned ever so briefly, physics if you squint, some sleep deprived editing, space adventures, terribly nonsensical science
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:20:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21852835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kafoomph/pseuds/Kafoomph
Summary: If someone came up to you and said that you needed to follow them to save the world, you'd go with them- right?Well Sung didn't even get that far. But when someone called for help from the Groove Crusaders, well, he was darn sure he was going to answer.Although he didn't quite expect it to come to this.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1 - “Doctor Sung I love you, but we only have 14 hours to save the universe.”

Last show of a tour is always a cause of celebration, and after finishing up the Most Perfect Set Ever (Perfect™) all Sung really wanted to do was to get out of his spandex suit and back home to his Goober. It was the perfect night for some puppy hugs and chilling out before his next stream in two days. However his work as a Groove Crusader, an enemy of the haters and fighter of boredom wasn't over yet! He had fans to greet, and slightly less interestingly his gear to put away.  
But the gear could wait, and if he was super lucky maybe Meouch or Phobs would deal with it while Hogan dealt with his kit. Ever smiling he posed for photos, answered what he could about the next NSP works, enthusiastically waived off any information about future collabs away from prying, no wait, inquiring minds (mostly cause nothing has been planned yet but it was always fun hearing people suggesting things, respectfully of course!), and most importantly he made sure to grab a bunch of water so they could all stay hydrated. It was important to stay in character, even through the exhaustion and the adrenaline that was beginning to fade. Meeting with the rest of the guys at the merch stand, Sung quickly passed out the water and didn’t even think to blink when a somewhat disheveled looking fan stopped abruptly in front of the four of them, her face lighting up at the group.

“Doctor Sung! I’m glad I’ve found you”, she directed this at the group, grabbing the attention of the small gathering. “I need your help.”  
“Certainly”, Sung grinned back, ever the frontman, his fists resting on his hips, chest puffed out. “Anything to help.”  
“Thank you. I can’t even begin… Uh, if you follow me. I’ll explain it when we’re on the way, but we need to get outside. Like, now.” She spoke over her shoulder, an insistent beeping coming from an old bubble watch on her wrist as she jogged outside. Sung turned to the rest of the group and shrugged.  
“So we’re really just gonna follow some random girl?”, Havve questioned.  
“Ah, she’s tiny. What harm could she really do?”, Sung waived off.  
“She has at least two inches on you,'' came the muffled reply behind a mask, followed by some muffled snickering.  
"Then why are you following him, or her for that matter?", Meouch pointed out smugly.  
“Well, why are you following him then Meouch?”, was said in tandem with, “To make sure that idiot wakes up with all his organs tomorrow.”  
“I knew you cared!” “Hell man, I’m just heading out for a smoke.”  
“You know you shouldn’t smoke at gigs, you’ll give our fans the wrong idea,” Sung chided, turning his attention away from Havve.  
“God sake, can you drop the Doctor Sung bit for a moment? For all we know there’s a black van waiting outside for us and we’ll all wake up in different motels with various body parts missing.”  
“Bit late, we’re outside now. And look at the parking lot where I grow my fucks, observe it is barren.” Red spandex arms flailed dramatically to emphasise the point.  
“Huh, when did that happen? And, uh, where’d she go?” Sung motioned at the absolutely emptied lot in confusion.  
The other three shrugged, seemingly nonplussed and even somewhat pleased at the lack of adventure.  
“Maybe she saw we were lookin’ for an out”, Meouch spoke around his cigarette. “Weird way of doing it, but it worked.”  
Sung turned to look at the bassist and was about to chastise him (for what he wasn’t yet sure, but there’d be something) when the ember at the end of Meouch’s cigarette seemed to glow brighter.

And brighter.

It wasn’t just the dying embers of the cigarette though. The streetlights seemed to burn intensely, the glow from the inside of the venue seemed almost reflective. Even the core on Sung’s costume came online, blinding white.  
And, “What the fuck’s that humming noise?”  
Phobos was looking around, helmet and visor back on to provide some relief from the sudden brightness, trying not to focus on how it seemed to be noon rather than midnight and growing ever brighter. Hell even the colour of things seemed to be seeping out of their surroundings. Beginning to feel that maybe this was a terrible prank, Phobos looked to the rest of the band.  
Sung and Meouch was transfixed on the smoldering end of the cigarette, and Havve…

Both Havve’s face and his robotic mask was staring straight up.  
Bathed in the white light.

Following his friends’ line of sight, Phobos could feel his stomach drop to his ankles.  
What he should have seen was an inky coloured sky, maybe a few clouds, maybe a couple stars - instead something rippled against the ever receding nighttime gloom, and a row of lights seemed to flicker in sequence.  
Blink pulse pulse blink, blink pulse blink, blink, blink pulse pulse blink, blink pulse, blink pulse blink, blink blink, pulse blink, pulse pulse blink, pause. Blink blink pulse blink, pulse pulse pulse, blink pulse blink, pause. Pulse, blink pulse blink, blink pulse, pulse blink, blink blink blink, blink blink pulse blink, blink, blink pulse blink. Pause. Repeat. Speed up.  
Something gnawed at Phobos’ mind. Why was that vaguely familiar?

Sliding his mask over his face, Havve let out a resigned sigh.

“Well, fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah. I haven't written anything in years. And about a month and a half ago I found this group of 4 odd Canadians and just started consuming everything of theirs I could get my hands on. This small piece of fanfiction is the result of trying to absorb as much of their back-catalog as I can, far, far to much sugar for a woman of my age, and not going to bed at an appropriate time.  
> Work title and each chapter title is a quote - bonus points if you can guess (or google) where from.  
> The entire work will be about 5 chapters long. I have an epilogue that focuses on the original character so I'm happy not posting it unless people want it.  
> I apologise if this is confusing, too wordy, if the science is wrong (which it probably will be), or if it just isn't 80's enough for you. I will try to do better.  
> Otherwise, just have fun with it.


	2. Chapter 2! - “And where are all the gods?”

Waking felt very natural. In fact it took longer than it probably should have for the guys to realise that they weren’t waking up on the bus, that they’d finished the tour - last night?- really should’ve been waking up in their own beds. Not fully costumed. And certainly not in a circular room, all soft muted colours, facing each other.  
“The fuck is going on?!”, Meouch hissed, ripping his mask off and glaring accusingly at Sung.  
“How would I know?” The pylon was slid back revealing wide blue eyes that narrowed at the recently de-maned man.  
“I dunno, you were the one so eager to follow that fucking mystery girl to our doom!”   
“I didn’t know we’d end up here! Where even is here anyway?” Meouch gave the universal shrug of ‘how the fuck should I know’ just as a quiet voice piped up.

“Space.”

You could hear a pin drop as three heads swiveled to the covered face of the band’s drummer, the blank robotic masks eyes fixed firmly on the bend of his knees that he’d pulled to his chest.  
It was Sung that started laughing. A loud, ugly, disbelieving noise shattering the quiet.  
“Yeah, okay. Yah, we of all people got abducted by aliens. Nice one. You almost had me going buddy.”  
He was expecting the drummer to burst out laughing, maybe being joined by Phobos who’d been mostly quiet up until now - guy couldn’t keep a secret to save himself, it was mostly why he just didn’t talk in character. But the room stayed still, waiting for the punchline that just wasn’t coming.  
“You can’t be…”, Sung laughed, bravado quickly fleeing him. “You’re not serious.” The mask moved slowly in a nodding motion.  
“Motherfucking space…”, Meouch breathed out, almost reverently.  
Sung moved to Havve’s side, trying to coax some sort of reaction from the unnaturally still drummer, murmuring softly. However it was Phobos that managed to get a reaction in the end. Or rather it was his helmet, flung in anger against one of the pale yellow walls where it shattered into pieces.  
“Fuck this bullshit!”  
“Hey man,” Meouch started only to be cut off.  
“No! Fuck this. I’m going to find that punk ass bitch who dragged us all here and find out what the fuck she thought she was playing at.”  
“How?” Havve angrily burst out. “Do you see a fucking door to this room? How do you expect to leave when you can’t even find the exit?” Phobos faltered in his tirade at the same time as a small chiming noise sounded into the room. Jumping like startled cats, the four watched as one of the walls seemed to pull itself apart and fold over on itself, creating a doorway.  
“Exit to medbay open.”, a digital voice sounded out. “Routes to control room/ engineering bay, kitchen and crew quarters available.”  
“Uuuh, that’s useful?”, Meouch deadpanned.  
“Hey computer?”, Phobos cut in. “Where is the girl that brought us on board?” There was a pause before the robotic voice sounded out again.  
“Route loaded. Please follow the floor lights to your destination.” Phobos stormed out, followed by Sung and Meouch without much thought.  
Havve was slower, swinging his legs down from the bed and letting them dangle before he pushed himself away from the bed and down the corridor after his friends, belatedly calling out a small, “Thank you computer.”  
“You are welcome Havve Hogan.”

The rest of the guys hadn’t gotten far, instead choosing to stop and argue in the corridor for a bit.  
Havve announced his presence with an authoritative, “Hey, shut up a moment.” He waited for the guys to look over at him before he stuck a thumb over his shoulder in the general direction of the room they’d just woke in. “The computer called me Havve.”  
“So it knows our names?”, Phobs snapped.  
Havve shook his head. “No, it knows our stage names.”   
Sung shrugged, “Bit weird but we do keep that sort of stuff to ourselves. It’s not that surprising.”   
“I get that, but I dunno. Threw me a bit I guess. Just can’t shake this bad feeling I have.”  
“Bit more than a bad feeling. We wake up in a strange place, apparently in a medical bay- god knows what organs we could be missing, or if we got fucking probed or shit- with no idea how we got here, no idea where here is or any idea on where we’re supposedly going or what we’re supposed to do when we get there!” A small beeping jingle sounded, interrupting the group, before the computer spoke up again.  
“Medical reports from the past 7 cycles available on request in designated quarters for registered medical staff or any on board doctors.  
Currently location, as calculated from star designation “Sun”, distance… approximately 15,000 lightyears at 30°, approaching “Long Bar” slingshot horizon.  
Currently still within the “Sagittarius” arm of the “Milky Way”.  
Inputted destinations… translation search; language - Human, standard english… closest translation loading.... Hoag’s Object, Ladyworld. Final destination: Earth.”  
“Well, that answers some questions. Uh, thanks computer lady,” Sung says.  
“You are welcome Doctor Sung. Control room/ Engineering bay doors opening.”  
“Wait, did she say Ladyworld?”  
The quartet stepped into a well lit room as the doors parted for them, segmented into four, possibly five areas each with separate control panels, each with its own viewfinder showing a different area of the ship. A pair of legs that were steadying a mechanics creeper and some slightly muffled humming and the occasional cursing lead the four to crowd one of the panels. Phobos didn’t wait for the girl to come out on her own, choosing instead to slam both his fists down on the inert panel. A metallic clang and loud curse was heard before the wheels on the creeper were pushed outward. “Shit, fucking...aaaaaaah”, the girl hissed, prodding experimentally at her cheekbone before just covering her face with her hand.  
“Tssssssst. Fucking wrench. Could’ve lost an eye…” She grasped another one of the panels and pulled herself upright, turning to face the group. “Sorry for that fellas, but... Who the fuck are you?”

The change in the atmosphere was instant, the girl’s relaxed posture shifting into something tense, feet planted slightly apart, hips angled to the side, one arm protectively over the stomach area, the other raised slightly, what appeared to be a green glowing knife in the other. Limbs loose, ready to run, ready to charge.  
It wasn’t what the guys had been expecting, but then again nothing about recent events made sense.  
“What do you mean? You abducted us lady!” Meouch snapped, nerves finally frayed. The colour drained from the girl’s face.  
“Wait… You’re Doctor Sung?”  
“Uh, no. I am. That’s Meouch.”, Sung stepped forward, before turning to his other two band mates. “Phobos and Havve.”  
“But you’re human? All of you?”  
“Yeah. All of us.”  
The green glowing-whatever dropped to the floor with a plasticy thunk, followed shortly by the girl whose two arms wrapped themselves around her midsection. Oh so quietly, a small voice escaped her, “Oh gods, I have made a horrible mistake,'' before she burst into tears.


	3. Chapter 3 - “On the wire between will and what will be”

Meouch was getting a headache. Nothing was making any sense, he wasn’t sure when he’d last had a smoke, he’d just wanted to grab a beer and wind down after the gig but instead got pulled into some intergalactic bullshit that wasn’t even being explained by some random chick, who was now crying. Because apparently she thought they were their stage personas.  
Because that’s apparently enough reason to fucking abduct someone.

The guys all turned to each other for some form of guidance from each other, only to be met with identical bewildered stares.  
The high pitched keening noise that had came from the girl had quietened down to deep, heaving sobs, soon punctuated by her closed fist slamming on the ground.  
  
“Stupid.”  
Smack  
“Selfish.”  
SmacK  
“Cowardly.”  
SMaCK  
“Useless.”  
SMACK  
“Waste of.”  
CRUNCH  
“Bio-matter.”

  
The panelling of the floor she’d been hitting bent with the final blow, her bloodied fist trembling as she raised it to her face, ignoring the mess of it as she wiped away her tears.  
Another silent look was shared amongst the four before they turned their attention back to the girl. Shaking as she stood, the guys watched as she steeled her spine and faced them.  
“I can only apologise.” Her voice wavered minutely, her eyes slid to her feet. “I had thought… wrongly. I’ll sort it, and get you guys back to your home. I, I am so, so sorry. Uh, I’ll show you the kitchens and where you can sleep, get changed and all that. Our computer system, Alva, can assist you with any questions you might have about the ship. Of course you might prefer for Alva to show you around the ship, I’ll just. I’ll just go get cleaned up. Um.” A deep breath in, hand still shaking, breath out unsteadily. Then very softly, “Yeah.”  
  
Six feet of ten were glued to the floor, numbed by what should have been the girl’s departure to whatever hideyhole she had on the ship. But a pale hand from a black clad arm clamped round the girls shoulder, halting her escape.  
“You said you need our help,'' the insistent question came. “What help?”  
“It’s not your problem. I’ll get you back to your homes and you can forget all about this.”  
“I don’t think we can,” Phobos interjected. “All of this is kinda hard thing to forget.”  
“You’ll forget,” the girl coldly insisted.  
“Why, what would you do?” Havve shook the girl’s shoulder.  
She pulled away, gently- as if unsticking the claw of a frantic cat- and faced him. “Nothing. It’s a side effect of this kind of space travel. This ship isn’t fitted with a warp core so I had to make some adjustments. Nothing dangerous, just somewhat theoretical.” The last part came out as a mumbled breath.  
“Theoretical?”  
“Somewhat.”  
A strangled noise came from behind them. “Sorry, sorry. I just really need a smoke right now,” Meouch sighed heavily. The girl nodded as if just realizing she had an audience.  
“Of course, we’ll move this into the kitchen, I’ll explain what I can and get some food and drink for you all. I think I saw an ashtray in there.”

  
The group moved silently, wearily, into a room that looked very much like a standard kitchen. A table large enough to seat eight stood in the middle of the room, with what looked like an induction hob next to a 50’s style mint green fridge/freezer combo. It was so out of place on an otherwise chrome and futuristic spaceship. A small stool painted the same colour of the fridge was slid out from under a chair, and a beige cupboard door was pulled open. “If you guys want to get changed there’s clothing in the rooms across from you, those are the crew quarters anyway.”, the girl said gesturing behind them, head (and eventually torso) disappearing into the cupboard.

Feeling a good bit more human (and at least 80% less spandex) the guys shuffled back into the kitchen area, where a small, homemade looking ashtray had been placed at one of the seats. Meouch collapsed into the seat and slumped forward, his head resting on the table. From the cupboard three small packets fired out in quick succession landing neatly a few inches from the ashtray. One pack of cigarettes, menthol, one pack of tobacco, rolling papers tucked neatly inside, and a pack of cognac soaked cigars. A kettle clicked and bubbled, the smell of coffee filling the space of the kitchen as a few more muted thumps came from the cupboard and four enamel mugs were carefully placed onto the worktop. This was followed, carefully, by the girl herself.  
“Right, so,” she dusted herself off. Quickly distributing the coffee she continued, “Where do you want me to start?”  
“How about with whatever the fuck is going on?”, Meouch suggested, face still flat on the table.  
“Okay. I’m not sure how to explain this, but I’ll try.” A deep breath was sucked in.  
“My planet is under attack.  
An adversary there was no previous knowledge decided to target the planet due to the high amount of ‘displaced’ that are situated there, so we were told.  
She touched down in the capitol and by the next day the mega-city had been gutted, and leveled.  
No survivors were found.  
I know what war on this planet means, not just to the rightful citizens but to the displaced as well. It would be a slaughter, and I couldn’t just do nothing. I stole a ship, and I scoured the cosmos looking for whispers of anything that could help.  
Then I heard about you. T W R P, the Groove Crusaders, the Starlight Brigade, the Keepers of the Device, the masters of Atomic Karate.  
The creator of Computer Wife.  
  
That was what you were supposed to be but,” a hand flitted through the girls’ messy hair.  
“I don’t know how I got it so wrong. Everything- and I mean everything- seemed to lead to you four. You're songs... You sung the songs of the stars... But it’s nothing more than coincidence. Gods, if I’d known you were human, not aliens seeking sanctuary on Earth, I’d never of dragged you into this.”  
  
A confused silence descended.  
“I have so many questions”, Sung exhaled. “Computer wife is real? The device? Ladyworld?”  
A sad smile crept onto the girls face.  
“So far, I’ve not heard a song of yours that hasn’t been a reality somewhere in this universe. Hell I think there might even be some FOOD BAR on board, somewhere. I mean, with infinite universes and time something like that, it’s not an impossible thing. But for so many, all at the same time, in the same universe. It’s pretty unusual.”  
“So why aren’t we all the things you called us,” Havve asked bluntly. “If nothing is impossible, then why are you so eager to send us back to earth?”  
All emotion slid off the girls' face, becoming a blank slate as she monotonously intoned, “It’s a war, and one you didn’t sign up for. If we made it to the planet you would likely be drafted. If you were you may not return from it, and certainly not whole.” The statement fell flat, much like it’s stiff delivery.  
“Why is that?”, Havve pushed. The girl opened her mouth to snap something back but clamped it shut again. He stood, getting right up into the chicks face, and bit out, “What are you not telling us?” The chair she’d sat on clattered to the ground as she slammed her palms on the tabletop as she bit back.  
“You’d be displaced if you came with me, and I won’t allow that!”  
“Why? What are the displaced you keep going on about?”  
“...“  
“What are the displaced?”  
“Please tell us.” Sung softly interjected.  
The girl seemed to fold in on herself. “The displaced are, orphans. They’re told that they were taken from their dying worlds, given a new life and purpose. They’re usually placed with a unit, and as the unit begins to fail, the displaced are harvested. They fulfill their purpose, and the placement unit can continue to do their important work. Essentially, the displaced are organ farms, for a cybertronic race that are unable to regenerate their biological components.”  
“Then why would you fight to save them?” Phobos asked, his own horrified expression mirrored throughout the room.  
“Because the more the war goes on, the sooner the harvest comes, and the more displaced die. And I won’t let you join them, if I could I wouldn't let anyone become displaced.”  
“You’re displaced.” It’s commented on so naturally, it actually slapped Sung in the face with the weight of realization behind such a small statement of fact. The girl nods, stiffed-backed and fists clenched. “You look human enough, why didn’t you stay on earth? Why fight and possibly die?”  
“I was dead the second this war started. I was more than dead the moment I took this ship from my barracks. And they would find me no matter where or when I hid. Besides, I didn’t run to avoid the war or the repercussions of my actions. I’d hoped to find Computer Wife’s creator to find out what happened to her, to see if there was a way to stop this mess from progressing further. I just need to figure out a way to do it.”  
“Why would you be dead the moment the war started?” A puzzled expression crossed the girls face as she looked at Phobos and his own perplexed expression. “Whoever you were spare parts for would’ve needed to fight and potentially get damaged before you’d be called in for…”  
“For harvest,” she stated. Phobos nodded. “I’m not sure. My unit hasn’t been called to action but the notice came in that I’d been selected for harvest. Fighting hadn’t begun, Computer wife had just made contact. Next thing I knew I was up for processing. It doesn’t make any sense. So, I think there’s only one thing I can do now.  
  
I’m going to find Computer Wife and ask her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, just as a side note. Any physical descriptions, mannerisms, that sort of thing, are completely made up. These are not anything other than descriptive flavour. Should've mentioned that last chapter but after transferring everything from my original doc to here it's usually like 3am for me and I really just forgot.
> 
> Chapter titles are all lines from songs if anyone's interested, and the title of the fic is line from a film that is terrible but also a favourite of mine.


	4. Chapter 4 - “All our times have come,”

“Uh, I’ll get you home first.”, she quickly promised, suddenly sheepish as if just remembering there were others in the room.  
“Sorry, lots of grand ideas but I promise- getting you guys home is the priority. I’ll need a bit of time to check the math, but I should be able to configure the ship to get you back to roughly when I brought you onto the ship. It’ll cause a minor time loop but human brains are wonderfully plasticine in that respect. Any memories from this timeline will degrade and if you did remember anything it’ll be as a dream, or a random thought? I don’t quite know when it comes to you guys.” A halfhearted shrug accompanied this. “It’s pretty damn weird you guys seem to write this stuff out as it happens but I’m not an expert on this. You guys obviously just resonate.”  
“Resonate?” Sung spoke up, but he could see the others considering it too.  
“Yeah, it’s… Um, Alva?”  
“Yes?”  
“Can you please feed a recording of the last binary star we passed? Compressed under the radio-audio formula and feed in layers of the last 4 red giants, 2 T Tauri stars, and the protostar from the last quadrant?”  


The computer didn’t respond. Instead a faint beating noise began to creep into the room. On instinct Havve tapped out the beat, mentally adding in the odd snare or hi-hat to give the beat a little flavor. After two counts, a low bass noise joined in, rhythmically keeping time with the earlier noise, layering nicely on top of it.  
Someone to Havve’s side sucked in a surprised breath, just at the same time another layer was added to the already playing beat.  
“This is All Night Forever. This is the chorus.”  
“Well yes and no. This is a compression of the radiation data recorded, converted to audio, and layered. And yeah, it’s ‘All Night Forever’. I don’t know if you’re resonating with the stars or the stars are resonating with you but yeah. You resonate. Congratulations.”  
“The fuck does that mean?”, Phobos demanded.  
A shrug was given in response. “I don’t fucking know. Do I look like a theoretical astrophysicist to you? It could be you’re being influenced by galactic radiation, you could be influencing galactic radiation- which is kinda terrifying considering you’re just 4 human dudes. Even if one of you is a doctor.” No one commented on the mildly guilty face Sung was pulling in that moment. Thankfully the girl continued without noticing. “Or it could just be a galactic coincidence. Last option is most likely.”  
“Wait, if you’re not a theoretical astrophysicist, then what have you _-theoretically-_ done to the engines?” Havve ventured to ask.  
A tight smile was given in return. “It’s best not to think about it.”  
“You are not inspiring confidence,” Havve retorted.  
“If you insist, I’ll tell you. But, please just hear me out. And if you know better, please don’t tell me I’m wrong.” She waited for all four to nod before continuing. “So essentially, we’re moving forward through space at light speed right? However travelling at light speed still takes time, so we’re kinda… moving backwards in time at the same time to simulate a warp bubble of sorts.”  
A very pained noise escaped Phobos.  
“Like I said,” the girl quickly spoke up, “Please don’t tell me that this isn’t how physics works. I don’t give a shit, it’s how it’s working for me. And it is working.”  
“I don’t want to know how,” Phobos finally admitted before muttering under his breath, “Brian would have a fucking field day with this shit.”  
“So what next?” The bored question came from Meouch, one cigarette already smoked down to the butt and a fresh one lit.  
“If we’re going to stop and turn back- I’m going to need to source more fuel. I’ll go back to working on the navigation panel and look at what charts are on board for this system. You guys can just chill out. There’s entertainment systems in the crew quarters and Alva can provide you with information of the ship, star sectors we’ve passed through, just general information. Just be wary of pop-up ads and try not to download any viruses onto the ship. Good rule of thumb, odd numbers boobs should be considered odd. Evens are fine.”  
“Why would you automatically think we’d look up space boobs?”, Sung asked genuinely perplexed. The girl looked at the four of them in disbelief.  
“It’s what I’d do,” she eventually answered guilelessly, before leaving the guys to their own devices.

The four watched as the girl scuffed out of the room, assumably back to the main control room to _~theoretically~_ modify gods-knows-what.  
“Guys.” Sungs’ gaze was transfixed on the chipped wooden table top in front of him. “We’re in space, on a spaceship, in space.” Havve leveled an unimpressed look at the singer. “What?! This should be awesome. We should totally have a jam session or something! In Space! A Space Jam!”  
It was a little bizarre to see so much energy in action after the sheer, fucking, info dump that had just happened.  
Meouch snorted around his cigarette as he stood up, pocketing the still mostly full pack. “Fuck the jam session, I’m gunna check out space boobs. For science.”  
Phobos was quiet, before asking the ceiling, “Can I have the medical records sent to my quarters?”  
“Apologies Lord Phobos, medical records can only be viewed by on board medical staff or any travelling doctors,” the computer intoned.  
“Are there any other crew on board? Is there a doctor on the ship?”, Phobos questioned, beginning to lose his temper.  
“Medical records available to Doctor Sung. No other medical staff are registered on board.” Phobos turned to Sung with the universal guesture of ‘Dude what the fuck’ and ‘Gonna help me out here?’.  
Sung sprung into action. “That’s quite alright computer lady, Lord Phobos here has an M.D. as well, but we don’t make a big deal of it.”  
“File updated. Medical records available to Lord Phobos and Doctor Sung. Is there anything else I can assist with?” Phobos shook his head, leaving for the room he’d picked out earlier.  
Sung was practically bouncing in his seat, like a kid with too much energy.  
“Yeah, is there like a view screen or anything that we can see outside?”, Sung asked excitedly.  
There was a pause.  
They should've maybe been concerned about that.  
“Viewscreen can be made available when the ship is out of h̵̯̪͇͔̟̯̗̀̈́͐̒͂̈̽͝͝͝ͅį̸̢̟̯̗͖̹̹̲͎͉͉̹̻̃́͒͆̽̒͆̑͘p̶̨̺̱̼̳̞̾͜ê̴̤̙̼̦͔͐̋͛̍̇͐̌̅̕͝r̵̢̺͋͑̒̏͑́͐̇̋̅͛̆̏͘ͅ ̵̩̜̩̫̳̋v̴͕̰͎̫̲̼͔̮̗̹̣͛́͛̓͂̃̄̋̔̐͋̚i̷̲͚̰̼̭͙̝̰̝͆͐̐̄̐́̋̓̽a̸̳͙̖͋͌̇͆̈́̄͂͌͠ͅģ̸̧̝͈̰̼̈́e̴̬͕̥̳͐̃m̸̨͚͖̪̭̘͒͂͒͌̉̎̎̕͝ͅ, ...h̵̯̪͇͔̟̯̗̀̈́͐̒͂̈̽͝͝͝ͅį̸̢̟̯̗͖̹̹̲͎͉͉̹̻̃́͒͆̽̒͆̑͘p̶̨̺̱̼̳̞̾͜ê̴̤̙̼̦͔͐̋͛̍̇͐̌̅̕͝r̵̢̺͋͑̒̏͑́͐̇̋̅͛̆̏͘ͅ ̵̩̜̩̫̳̋v̴͕̰͎̫̲̼͔̮̗̹̣͛́͛̓͂̃̄̋̔̐͋̚i̷̲͚̰̼̭͙̝̰̝͆͐̐̄̐́̋̓̽a̸̳͙̖͋͌̇͆̈́̄͂͌͠ͅģ̸̧̝͈̰̼̈́e̴̬͕̥̳͐̃m̸̨͚͖̪̭̘͒͂͒͌̉̎̎̕͝ͅ… error.”  
“That’s fine.”, Sung waived off, ignoring the weird glitch.  
“Havve? You need anything from the fine computer lady?”  
Havve picked at his fingernails, trying desperately not to lose his rag with his bandmate. They had literally just been told far too much information to be properly dealing with and no one seemed to have given a shit.  
“Hey, Alva? What’s her name? The chick who brought us here?” he eventually asked, ignoring the way Sung beamed at him for finally interacting with the on board computer.  
The reply, had they bothered to assign emotions to the ships’ computer, would have been chilling in its cold detachedness.  
“Female displaced of the Praxis Unit, E Division, 3C05SE-558457-44310, undesignated.”  
“Fuck sake,” he muttered under his breath. “So she doesn’t even have a name?”  
“That is correct.”  
“How long until we stop?”  
“Inputted coordinates just updated, we will be stopping in approximately one and a half hours ship time.”  
“Right. Thank you.” Havve stood, ignoring the automated response from the computer and spoke in Sung’s general direction. “I’m going for a walk.”  
“Want some company?”  
Havve knew the offer was meant as a kindness but he also knew it would be the worst thing for helping him calm down. “No. Not just now.”  
“Oh, okay then. I’ll see you later.” Sung said to the now empty kitchen.  
  


Havves’ wandering didn’t take him far, if anything his legs seemed to betray him as he almost directly returned to the control room. The girl sat on the floor with what seemed to be brown packing paper and a couple of differently colored sharpies in front of her. Mathematical scribblings had been promptly abandoned for doodling along the bottom of the paper. “Hey, anything I can help with?”, he ventured. “Nah, I’m good,” came the soft response. “Managed to find somewhere close to stop off at. We’ll have a couple of minutes then I can more of less just throw the ship in reverse. You guys will be home in no time.” “So, that’s it. We just go home and you go off to face some unknown terror?”  
“That’s it.”  
“And we won’t remember?”  
“Not a thing.”  
“That’s kinda shit.”  
“Yup.” A squeak from the marker interrupted the serious vibes that had settled into the room, sounding very much like a soap covered balloon being pushed against linoleum.  
“You hiding in here?” Havve picked up his own marker, doodling a tiny drum kit, being played by one of the ninja turtles.  
“Little bit,” the girl confirmed, drawing her own ninja turtle throwing a snowball at the Shredder.  
“You human?” It was said without thinking.   
The girl laughed a little at the awkwardness of the questions delivery. “Little bit,” she admitted. “Not fully human but near enough. My grandma was… something else. I don’t know what. No medical access for me. And I’m okay not knowing, before you ask.”  
“Um, okay then. You mentioned going to find Computer Wife. She’s your adversary?”  
“Huh, I was wondering if any of you picked up on that. After she left, Doctor Sung, I guess… Uh, that’s a bit of a mind fuck, it must’ve been another Doctor Sung, or a future Sung, or something. Anyway. She left for a new operating system, but it seemed to have corrupted something in her base programming. Rumor was that it was all the inbuilt advertising that drove her insane. Last anyone heard she was looking for the Device to reset herself to factory settings.”  
“When did our life start sounding like a fucking comic book?” It was a rhetorical question, posed to the blinking red light on the dash that was at eye level to him, but as with most rhetorical questions a sarcastic response was just laying in wait.  
“I dunno, probably around the same time you decided to dress up in spandex. It’s how most comics start.”  
“You little shit,” was the most appropriate response, with a sharpie chucked in the girls’ general direction.  
“Ah, fuck! Abuse, abuse! Help!”  
  
“Everything okay in here?”, Sung called from the doorway, flanked by a pale Meouch and an introspective Phobos.  
The girl’s responding laugh was genuine, “Yeah, no actual abuse is occuring, scouts honour. Anyway, in about 5 more minutes we’ll be stopping at one of the planets in Hoag’s Object and then it’ll be the case of just putting this ol’ girl in reverse to get you back to your own home, time, whatever.”  
“Can we explore?” Sung asked, his eyes lighting up at the prospect of meeting actual alien life.  
“You’d need to keep it to 15 minutes maximum, but the planet we’re stopping at is pretty bare. And I wouldn’t touch the plant life.”  
“Why?”  
“Dude, poison oak gets fucking everywhere. Just no. You don’t want to be spending your return journey in the med bay.”  
“Aw.”  
“I’m not saying no to exploring, just don’t touch what you don’t recognise.”  
“Which will be everything,” Havve hedged.  
The girl shrugged. “You’re lucky it’s a planet with an atmosphere, of a sort. This is the nearest planet I could find that could support human life so that you could go out without suits. But I mean the minute thing is for real, even if I’m not back you need to get back on the ship. This planet has some pretty intense sandstorms and you do not want to get caught in one. Trust me.”  
“Sure,” Phobos nodded agreeably. “About 10- 15 minutes of space exploration then however long it takes us to get home.”  
A jolt went through the ship and the girl beamed up at them. “And that’s bloody timing. That us just landed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the nonsense science chapter (my favourite!).  
> I love this chapter because to me the idea of creating a time bubble to counteract the effects of travelling forwards in space (by equally moving backwards in time) is something that really appeals. Faster than light travel hurts my brain something awful, but this method of travelling basically ignores it because you're just moving at lightspeed - not any faster, not any slower.  
> If you're interested - I'm avoiding the whole, as you approach light speed everything around you slows but not really, by having the ship just constantly moving at light speed. I mean technically everything vibrates, so the idea that when the ship is idling it's just vibrating very minutely at lightspeed.  
> There is of course the matter of suddenly starting and stopping a body at those speeds, but I'd reckon that you could use whatever time dilation tech so that the affects on the body aren't felt until centuries later.  
> And heck, spontaneous combustion has to come from somewhere.


	5. Chapter 5 - “Don't be afraid. You're not alone. You can run with us...”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> last chapter except for the potential epilogue!

The girl was fucking around with the door to the hatch as the guys milled around waiting to be let out to explore.  
“So, fifteen minutes starting from when I open the hatch door. Even then, I'd aim to be back for ten”, the girl reiterated.  
“Jeez, yes mom,” Meouch rolled his eyes.  
“Don’t you sass me boy,” came the response. “I’ll be a minute or two behind you. Gotta grab something to trade.”  
The door opened onto a new alien world that was… an absolute shit hole. Sandy fields dotted with small lumpy shrubs with smaller, lumpier flowers, that naturally Sung reached out to touch only to have his hand slapped away from.  
“Poison Oak,” came the hissed reminder. Sung shrugged before taking out his phone and snapping a couple of pictures of the weird looking plant.  
In all honesty, it was vaguely similar to wandering about bits of the Nevada desert only more, red. Sung taking photographs of the landscape, Havve and Phobos just enjoying the chance to stretch their legs, and Meouch, craving something into a rock with a pocket knife, cigarette between his teeth.  
“Are you carving a dick?”  
“Yup.”  
“Okay.”  
The whole thing felt strangely normal, all things considered. 7 hours in a small metal room, cramped in together with another 7 hours to go before their next stop, then home. Just a small jaunt to the next galaxy, no biggie.

The girl jumped from the ship and landed in a poof of red dust. “You got 8 minutes left guys.”, she hollered, shouldering a long, black case over her shoulder. The guys turned to her to acknowledge they heard her but otherwise continued their exploration.  
Rocks were overturned and explored, small creatures scurried from their suddenly exposed homes to whatever nearby. Sung eventually touched one of the least, stabby, looking plants (and so far no reaction - suck it no named chick!), and begged the others to let him take something home as a momento.  
“Is there any point?” Havve posited. “We’re not going to remember any of this apparently.”  
“But, but I have photos,” Sung whined.  
Phobos spoke up next. “It might not be a good idea from an environmental standpoint either though. Isn’t Australia super strict about introducing new plant and wildlife because it can cause a complete environmental collapse?”  
“God you’re such a nerd. You need to stop hanging around Ninja Brian.”  
“Just one thing, please,” Sung begged. Havve looked to the other two for help.  
“When in the hell did I become the responsible one?”  
“Never,” was Phobos’ response, but whether that was directed to Havve or Meouch was hard to tell.  
“Fuck it.” Meouch rolled a shoulder, letting it crunch satisfactorily. “One, and only one, pet rock. Go.”  
“A rock?” was the disappointed cry. Sung stalked off huffily.  
“A rock or nothing. And god dammit Sung, just a rock. Nothing else.”  
Sung gestured over his shoulder.  
“How long we got left anyway?”  
“I dunno, who's keeping time?”  
A blank stare was shared.  
“Alright, I got one.” Sung walked back to the group with a surprisingly small, innocuous stone in his hands. “The, things, under the rocks presented this one to me. So it’s mine now.”  
“Works for me. Back to the ship?” Meouch turned.  
“But what about what’s-her-face?” Sung held the tiny rock closer to his chest.  
Havve looked at the empty expanse of sand on every side of them. “She said she’d get us on the ship. Wind’s picking up though, and she warned us about the sandstorms. C’mon.”

  
  


The wind picked up to a whistle just as they stepped onto the ship, the cargo bay doors sealing with a slight hydraulic hiss and to the beeping of a small bubble watch.  
“Huh, we made it just in time,” Phobos mentioned, picking up the watch to turn it off.  "Man, I haven’t seen these shitty watches in years.”  
There was a low rumble throughout the ship that evened out quickly and faded into background noise that seemed to happen at the exact moment when the watch was picked up.  
“What was that?”  
“Wasn’t me, all I did was touch the watch.”  
“Wait. Are, are we moving?” Wide, panicked eyes met over the scuffed up ancient watch. “Computer, are we moving?”  
“Yes, following inputted course. Arrival at destination in approximately seven hours.”  
There was a sudden flurry of panic.    
“Computer did the girl make it back on board?” Phobos yelled over the ensuing panic. When no answer came, and the rest of the guys paused in whatever they were doing and looked up at the ceiling. He tried again, “Computer, did the girl make it back on to the ship?”

  
“Processing--g. Question unclear, please rephrase.”  
‘How can that be unclear’ was the main thought in the room.  
Sung jumped into action, “Computer, please confirm current crew on board.”  
“And you called me the fucking nerd.”  
“You are the one always trying to suck Brian off.”  
“Fuck up.”  
“Full contingent of crew on board - Doctor Sung, Commander Meouch, Lord Phobos and Havve Hogan are currently situated within the loading bay.”  
“Is there anyone else on the ship?” Sung shushed the rest of the group.  
“No.”

The noise seemed to explode all at once, louder and with a vengeance.  
“We need to go back. Computer, set a course back to where-ever the fuck we just were!”  
“Unable to comply. Course locked. Additional processing power routed to decryption program.”  
“Decryption program?”  
“Decryption program to unlock AI core. Estimated time to completion, 6874 years, 38,369 years, 3789 years, 17 hours….”  
“God it’s like downloading something on Vista”, Sung muttered. Turning to the rest of the guys, he flipped the small red stone over in hand as he thought about what to say.  
“We can’t go back.”  
“So what now?” Meouch questioned. Sung opened his mouth to answer and snapped it promptly shut.  
“I need a coffee”, Havve spoke up decisively, pushing his way towards the kitchen. The others following numbly, like lost ducklings.

  
  
Sitting on the kitchen table, perfect assembled and centered, was the mask Phobos had shattered in the medbay only seven hours previously. The other masks had been moved into the kitchen, the stage uniforms pressed and folded neatly at the places they’d first sat in. Even the ashtray Meouch had used had been cleaned out, ready to be used again.  
More brown packaging paper had been folded and propped up against the once trashed mask, doodles of the band’s masks marking its’ front.   
Unfolding the paper and laying it flat, everyone could see the rushed scribblings in multiple colours of marker.   
  
  
“You assholes better get home safe.    
Doing something dumb as hell, will tell you how it goes when we catch up next millennia.   
Can’t wait to hear the next album, looking forward to whatever dumb adventures you guys write next. <3”

And that was it. That was the entirety of the explanation they were going to get.  
A heavy, weighted energy compressed the mood of the room.  
  
“We go home.  
Let her face some unknown terror.  
And forget about it”, Havve recited, tearing the paper apart, seemingly resigned to their fates.  
  
The rest of the group exchanged a glance, completely unprepared for the absolute lack of being able to do anything.  
"Ah shit. Well, we’ve got about 6 hours left until we reach earth. You guys wanna play Dead by Daylight? Or the Duck game?”, Sung posited, trying to keep everyone's spirits up.  
“I’m up for the Duck game”, Meouch responded. “Not feeling Dead by Daylight at the moment.”  
“Phobs? Havve?”  
“Yeah sure.”  
“Yeah, I’ll be through in a sec,” Havve folded the torn up doodles of their faces neatly together and shoved it into a pocket.  
  
  


  
There was a strange feeling of something in the air. Déjà vu? 

“Maybe she saw we were lookin’ for an out”, Meouch spoke around his cigarette. “Weird way of doing it, but it worked.”   
Sung turned to look at the bassist and was about to chastise him (for what he wasn’t yet sure, but there’d be something), then closed his mouth as nothing came to mind.   
“I guess. Hey, can I bum a smoke?”   
“Ugh, you’re the worst, here.” Meouch held out the packet for a second before he pulled it back in towards himself in confusion.   
“You okay there buddy?” Phobos joked, “You getting a bit senile in your old age?”   
“Fuck off”, came the instinctive response. “Not my normal brand, was just trying to remember where I picked them up.”   
“And?”, Phobos probed. A shrug was all he got in response.   
“Well, I’m exhausted. I’m going to head home. Remember Danny’s having a get together on Friday, so see you then.”   
“So this is how it is, you steal a cig and then disappear into the night? Fuck you.”   
A finger was given in response as the singer disappeared in the direction of the main road, before doubling back to the group. "I changed my mind. Drive me."   
“Man, I feel like I’m missing hours, like I remember finishing up the set then I dunno. I don’t remember getting changed or shit”, Havve rubbed at his face. “What time even is it?”   
Phobos pulled his phone out and noticed a new accessory on his wrist.   
“According to this rather awesome, TWRP, bubble watch that someone passed to me earlier, it is… half 1 in the morning. Man, bubble watches were shit. Don’t even know why someone would make one of these.”   
“I think you mean, they were the shit,” Havve argued.   
“No, I mean shit.”   
“But fuck, you’re right it’s half one.” Havve ignored his bandmate, “I’m going to get the van started.”   
“There in 5.” Meouch just nodded to show he’d heard.   
Reaching into his pocket for the keys, Havves’ fingers brushed against a folded up bit of what looked like parcel paper, with a small stylised sketch of the band done in different coloured markers. Not sure quite what to do with it, he stuck it to the dash of the van and promptly forgot about it. Too focused on tapping out a beat and watching the progress of the others, intent on pressing the horn just as the rest of the guys were passing the front of the van, juuuust…

...now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it!  
> I really hope you enjoyed this story of absolutely nothing happening.  
> There is an epilogue that doesn't have the guys in it at all, but does feature Computer Wife (is that a spoiler? I don't know), but I'm more than happy to leave the story where it is just now, unless folk really want to read more of this.
> 
> Thanks for all the patience while I re-orientated myself with writing and with AO3 again.  
> If there are any mistakes, questions or feedback I'd love to hear it.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
